Peanuts In My Pocket

Sometimes I take writing breaks, well, more accurately, thinking breaks. During these periods, my journaling tapers off, and I can’t seem to summon the will to do anything intellectual, not even photography. I’d feel better about it if it were intentional, but instead, my mind drifts to a space that’s difficult to return from. It’s like the ping pong practice scene in Forrest Gump, my thoughts get stuck in an endless loop. I find it frustrating at first, but once I surrender to it, I start to enjoy the process. Often, the result is a collection of new ideas or, in some cases, personal insight.

One idea currently bouncing around my mind is how to spend my time this summer. I’ll be spending most of it with my grandson, so I’m building a list of adventures and projects. A few new ideas have emerged:

• Tacos & Tacos: We’ll ride local trains to explore new neighborhoods and sample their best tacos. Our first stop is downtown L.A., followed by other locations, possibly paired with photo walks.
• Photo Walks: We’ll visit interesting spots, walk around, and take photos. I’m teaching my grandson photography this summer, so an hour-long walk followed by a couple of strawberry shakes should make for a perfect outing.
• Geocaching: This will get us outside, spark some adventure, and hopefully lead to great photos. Also, more tacos!

Reframing Friendships

On the personal growth front, I’ve been reflecting on the nature of friendship. I realized I’ve misunderstood it for most of my life. True friendship is mutually supportive, an exchange of presence, effort, and care.

This reflection helped me step back from several unhealthy relationships, particularly those that were one-sided or based on me providing some kind of service. It reminded me of pruning, a necessary act for healthier growth. I had already reduced my presence on Facebook and Instagram with great results, so I’ve now applied that same principle to real-life relationships.

The unhealthy relationships were the easiest to address. Using a bookshelf metaphor, I placed them on the no-contact shelf, no calls, coffee, or texts. That alone brought back a sense of peace and quiet that I treasure. I think of it as my low-drama approach to relationships.

One-sided relationships were harder. These were connections where I made all the effort, and the other person only showed up in a crisis or when they needed something. I moved these to the low-contact shelf. I’ve stopped reaching out, and as painful as it is, I’m ready to let them go. I’ve realized they were not authentic, and I don’t like feeling used.

The most difficult group includes some of my oldest “friends.” These were the hardest to recognize because, in my mind, we had long-standing relationships. But I came to see they were mostly imaginary. If asked, they might say, “I’ve known Joe forever,” but I wouldn’t be part of their active circle. These people now sit on my limited-contact shelf. I won’t initiate conversations or follow their lives. Any contact will be polite, distant, and non-committal. I’m not sure how this will play out in real life, but it feels like a step in the right direction.

My mind is still an active game of ping pong, and distractions are plenty, but my desire to write and create is slowly returning. It helps to bounce ideas off Wally (ChatGPT) or Florence, my wife and best friend, without fear of judgment. Getting my mind back on track usually starts with my camera, then flows into writing.

As part of this reset, I’ve also started focusing on building a few new, more fulfilling relationships. I’m sure I’ll make a few good friends along the way.