Peanuts In My Pocket

I had breakfast Tuesday morning with my sister Lisa and our mutual friend Jan. During our conversation, I referenced the phrase “Someday Never Comes” while talking about delaying projects and personal growth. I was trying to encourage her gifted son, Caleb, to pick up their pen and start writing poetry again. It wasn’t a direct push, just a gentle nudge.

Much later in the day, I realized I was guilty of the same thing. I write poetry, but I never finish it. So, I resolved to complete one that same day.

For context, I find writing difficult, but writing poetry feels like taking photos while riding a unicycle blindfolded. It’s hard, and I’m not very good at it. I’ve always seen it as a skills gap—turns out that’s exactly what it is. Writing poetry is difficult because I know almost nothing about how to actually do it well.

But today, I finished my first poem. It’s called A Nest of Words. I started it around 2010 and kept circling back to it over the years. It’s about being interrupted by a chatty coworker during a peaceful, serene lunch break at a remote job site.

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A Nest of Words

by Joseph Crumpler

I need the sun and trees
not your stories, not
that crooked smile.
You stop my healing.

The whine stings, I listen, I watch.
I cannot unsee or unhear
commanding thunder
tuned for my ear.

Rapid, unending collisions
rattle through my skull.
I want your dirty hair out of my eyes,
your words purged from my mind.

You sit between me and beauty,
blocking the light, obscuring reflections,
poisoning my ear with chirps.
I cannot be me. I am deformed.

Do I really need to hear your
petty paranoia and pain?
I feel nothing but loss,
but… if I were a different man?

But…

I cannot turn away.
Freedom lies beyond your crooked smile.
My mind is captured in a nest of words,
and smiles in submission.

I cannot turn away.
I will not.
I am a captive waiting
for your release.

I cannot turn away.
Freedom lies beyond your crooked smile.
My mind is captured in a nest of words,
and smiles in submission.

I cannot turn away.
I will not.
I will not.
I will…